DISCLAIMER: In no way could any of this stuff ever happen in real life, and I'm sure some people will get enormously offended while reading this (maybe), so maybe you should go read something else, especially if you don't like reading long stories like this. If you thought "High School: It's A Concept - The Parody" was long, check this out!
Part I: The Plot Unfolds.
Part II: 20,000 Bricks Under the Roof.
Part III: Chose an Ending.
Part IV: Afterword.
ADVISORY: Yes, you (heard?) right! This story has three separate endings, the one you read is based on how much you hate me and/or CPA. More on that later, of course. My advice for now, such as it is, is to just read down the page. Plus, I was assuming as I wrote this that the majority of readers could tell time by 24 hour clock.
Someone waits in the shadows.
A lamppost provides illumination for the corner of a wall.
Suddenly, an lone female figure steps into that circle of light.
"I am here.", she calls out, looking around.
"Good.", replies a decidedly male voice from the shadows. " Now give me the information."
She steps towards the voice...
"Oh. Well, the computers are located on the third floor on the north side of the building."
"Good. That is all we need from you for now... you may leave. But you are still in debt to us."
"Well, I didn't really get that much from you-"
"YOU ARE STILL IN DEBT!!"
"I didn't even want your help!"
"No one else would have ran!!"
The click of a safety.
The female shuts up.
"Do I make myself clear?"
She gulps an "Of course.".
"Good. Now go."
and I think that we should be concentrating more on setting clocks, building
benches and putting soap in the washrooms than worrying about getting a
polo team. We already have football!"
The other awake members stirred in their seats at that. It wasn't hard to grasp the sense of the viewpoint, but denying CPA a polo team would be political suicide.
Colin MacDonald elbowed Jer Strong in the stomach. He woke up with a "ugh... huh? wha? Oh, Will. You were talking again. Are you finished?"
"Yes.", Will Matheson grumbled in disgust, his speechlet complete. He sat down again.
Brian Haas raised his hand. He was seated at the table across from Will, where he was accompanied by his fellow members of The Mod Squad Party.
Angela Ritcey jotted down a note: 8:45 Will finally stops talking. 8:46 Brian H. starts talking. "The council recognizes Brian Haas, leader of The Mod Squad Party."
Brian stood up. "The Matheson Party is making a good point, but I must ask them this: Will, are you prepared to face almost a thousand students who have their hearts set on a polo team?"
"They only want one because Sackville High has one.", Will bit back.
"This is true.", commented Jer.
"Nobody liked it when I didn't manage to legislate Nude Day!", defended Brian.
"Wanna bet?", said Angela. "Look, we're going to have to wrap this up. Ms. Cosman is due here any second, who has a free?"
Only Will raised his hand.
Damn, she realized. "Okay, Will.", she sighed. "You get to escort Ms. Cosman to the computer lab. Please don't embarass us again like you did with the Hilighter Marker Incident."
"That wasn't even my fault! Doesn't anyone believe me?"
Will was amazed at how quickly they all started shaking their heads "no" in unison.
"Ah, blast." Will cut his losses and walked out of the room.
"Okay, next thing we do is make sure we can get someone on the council a free this slot, I am so sick and tired of having to trust Will to do something right.", Jer said with irritation. "Meeting dismissed."
Yeadon sat at the network server terminal in the office adjacent to the
computer lab, idly pointing and clicking. She was dressed in her finest
conference outfit, awaiting the local MLA Francene Cosman to bandy about
funding the computer lab.
"This time for sure.", she uttered.
"Don't get your hopes up.", warned Mr. Hamilton, who was standing behind her, also snazzily dressed.
"It had better be this year. I'm sick and tired of these bloody old-... what's this?"
"I was running SYSEDIT for Workstation 13, and it found something odd."
Mr. Hamilton moved up to the desk to look closer at the screen.
"Odd... who messed with that? Maximize it."
"Lucky for us you had nothing else to do, we don't usually do this sort of thing."
"What does 'morefrus.bat' do?"
"I have no idea. Anyhow, that computer should be stuck at 'pause', so let's just- oh shit!"
"It's too late. I forgot we put 'bootlock' on that one, which prevents us from pressing Ctrl+C to abort 'autoexec.bat'. I guess we'll have to shut it down and risk messing up the network."
At that point, the bell rang to start school.
"I'll go turn it off and get a boot disk.", said Mr. Hamilton, leaving the room and heading for the lab.
Ms. Yeadon got up and entered the lab behind him and walked over to the main door, opening it.
She nearly got killed. Jamie Gibb bowled right over her and shoved aside Mr. Hamilton just as he was about to hit POWER.
Jamie pressed the spacebar and shouted, "Tantalon!!". Then he ran back out of the room, trampling over Ms. Yeadon again and shoving dismayed students aside while departing.
"Jamie!! You get your sorry little butt back here!", she shouted.
Mr. Hamilton reached for POWER again, but in doing so he received a nasty shock that knocked him out cold.
Edgar Sullivan, within visual range of the monitor, stood still, not wanting to touch the PC, had a fleeting scary thought: Does this mean we can't go on the internet today? He watched some text scroll through on the screen:
I wouldn't dare
Press any key to continue...
ECHO is on
c:\>c:\phreaks\access.exe /lab1 /lab2 /lab3 /guidance /library /office /resource /scouncil /server
LOGICAL drive assignments C-ZZZF issued
zzzf:\>zzzf:\phreaks\delfat.com /start=c /end=zzze
DELETING specified File Allocation Table(s)... complete.
THE TANTALON SEPARATION FEDERATION
This is the first step.
DELETING specified File Allocation Table(s)... complete.
Welcome to our school, Ms. Cosman! If you'll follow me..."
Mr. Whitman and Will led the MLA into the lobby, and up the main stairs.
"What was what?"
"Never mind, it's gone now.", said an old lady in Middle-Sackville to her husband.
was then a total darkness. Ceiling tiles dropped. Pandemonium ensued. Classes
were disrupted. Students in Mr. Hamilton's GEO431 class woke up from their
peaceful slumber. The explosion broke Mr. Plato's wheel. Ms. Dompierre's
video, "How to Take all the Fun out of Drama", was stopped cold. And, get
this... Mr. Lyne actually stopped in the middle of a logarithm!!
Ms. Beazley, senior secretary, was first to react. She knew that, hidden deep in a safe in the adjacent storage room, was the document entitled "CPA Emergency Protocol". She leapt up from her chair and turned into the aforementioned storage room. Of course, she didn't know exactly where the safe was, so she scanned the wall to her left. The first four feet or so towards the back was occupied by the disciplinary files of 13,999 CPA students. A fuse box and wiring took up the next two feet. Will Matheson's disciplinary file took up the last ten feet of wall space. Then, in complete darkness, at the very very back of the room, sat a small dial-lock strong box.
Ms. Beazley shifted a cart labeled "Will Matheson - VOLUME XIV" out of her way and picked up the strong box.
This is the solution, she thought, then she hiked out to find Mr. Whitman.
Ahmed, editor of the Pickle Jar, almost pounded his desk in anticipation.
This is news! A big explosion, no electricity, wow!
Shawn asked Mr. Mead, teacher of his Quantum Physics 541 class, if he could go out of class to do some interviews. "Master and Overlord, to you which I am eternally loyal to, I feel the simplistic need to extract my physical self from your awesome presence for the selfish purpose of journalism."
"Sure, you can go. But first tell me how to create Element 109."
panic, sir! I'm sure someone will rescue us, if only because we are both
Will was suprisingly optimistic considering that he, Mr. Whitman, and Ms. Cosman were surrounded by members of the Tantalon Separation Federation toting AK-47s. They were all being held in the Resource-
"Student Support Room!"
Sorry, Mr. Couvilier. Anyway, so they're all being held hostage in the Student Support Room.
"Now, Mr. Whitman.", spoke their leader. "You will accompany me. The Liberal lady... 'Killer' here will take you to the staff room.
"Yheess, shirr.", 'Killer' replied.
"Oh blast...", she uttered under her breath.
"And you...", the leader said, looking Will straight in the eyes. "YOU!! You will be brought to justice!"
"Just whose idea of just-"
Will took the verbal cue at face value and kept quiet. Under the watchful guns of the TSF operatives, Mr. Whitman was taken in the arm of the leader, Ms. Cosman by 'Killer', and Will stayed where he was.
and then you pressurize the positronic antimatter component, and then,
for one picosecond, Element 109 exists!"
"Very good! Thank you Shawn!"
"Your gratitude and esteem upon my person is as much appreciated as a limited human such as I can comprehend, Master."
"You are dismissed then. Your homework for tomorrow is to analyze the context and origin of every segment of the scientific name for deoxyribonucleic acid."
"I fear that it will not be enough joy to last me the evening, sir." With that, Shawn gave a respectful nod, then backed out into the hallway, leaving the only other student in the province who could possibly care about the class alone by herself in the room.
Hmmph. Suck up, she thought.
And what is that supposed to mean Jennifer Holdway?
She gasped in horror. The stories long circulated throughout CPA were all true.
You think you can hide your thoughts from me?! Ha! I've been waiting for two years for you to think an evil thought! Now I can finally punish you!!
She gasped again.
Go to Mr. Burke's class! See how forgiving he is!!
She sobbed, stood up, and ran down the aisle to the connecting door.
Ahmed ran faster than he had ever run before up the Pit stairwell towards
Room 319. He climbed the stairs, and ran past Mr. Lyne's room, avoiding
the screaming students and in auditory pain over some gunshots...
"Down!!", shouted a distant shrill voice from the Cafeteria stairwell.
All the students hit the floor. The gunfire stopped.
Shawn craned his neck up just a little to see Jer, Colin, and Kelly Brien being bodily dragged out of the Student Council's office by more TSF operatives. Angela was left standing by the entrance at gunpoint.
"Any injuries?", Jer shouted.
"DID I TELL YOU YOU COULD SPEAK!? NO!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!", shouted that same shrill voice, emerging from the stairwell.
The voice was that of a very short male carrying an Uzi rifle. Shawn quickly realized that this person, despite his size, was a force to be reckoned with. Or, as in this case, a force to be awesomely scared of.
He was surrounded by a harem of half naked (and relatively tall) women. All watched as three of the executives were led down the Cafeteria stairs, out of sight.
Holdway could only stand beside the door between the classrooms, crying
She finally gained some nerve and switched rooms.
Mr. Mead looked up from his desk. "Now where did Jen go? I was just about to show her her perfect score on that last Particle Accelerator Design Test. Odd."
leader handed Mr. Whitman over into the custody of Robbie Truman.
"Do what you will with him.", said the leader. "But remember your objectives."
Another operative came running around the corner. "What is thy bidding, sir?"
"Get me the girl and the short guy.", replied the leader.
walked into the classroom and shut the door behind her.
Mr. Burke and his class suddenly perked up. "Jen! Join us! Please, sit down!"
Considering the horror stories that she and the rest of her class (back before they applied for prison terms instead) had circulated about Mr. Burke, she was pleasantly suprised. Removing her Port-A-Locker 1000™ from her back, she took a seat in the back corner and resumed taking notes.
"Anyhow...", resumed Mr. Burke, "the AZP13 combines with the BRFLP7-42 and... yes, Jen?"
"Sir, I think you mean BRFEP7-108."
"You're right! Whoops! Wow, that means this entire equation is wrong!"
"What's it supposed to be?"
"Oh, it's just the process of metabolism."
"Then why are you using JKLMNOPQRS32 instead of ABCDEFGHI969? No wonder you got BRFLP7-42!"
"Oh... thanks. Hey, why don't you teach this class?", offered Mr. Burke.
"Yeah!", piped in Kristen Todd. "You were a great teacher in Science 10! We wouldn't ever have learned how to balance those equations!"
"Oh...", she uttered. "All right."
dragged Mr. Whitman into the office, just as Ms. Beazley finished packing
a survival kit in the case of an extended excursion.
Not noticing the gravity of the situation, Ms. Beazley immediately asked Mr. Whitman, "Hi, Ray. What's the combination to open this thing?"
Mr. Whitman opened his mouth to speak, but Robbie shoved the barrel of his semi-automatic against the principal's skull.
"Not a word... Ray. It's payback time."
Ms. Beazley dashed into Mr. LeRoux's office and hopped out the window.
leader met in the hall with the short guy, Angela, and several TSF operatives.
"Scott Gibb.", he addressed the short fellow. "You have indeed proven yourself worthy of our cause. Your skill in battle is unparalleled. However, I would like to remind you that your side mission of taking over this school's miserable excuse for a Student Council is just that... a side mission. You may pursue that end, but try to keep things in proper perspective.
Furthermore, I would like you to congratulate your brother for his excellent work in planting my destruct program. But I would also have you inform him that his side mission of killing this Will Matheson is just that... well, you get the idea. He may do with that insignificant wimp as he likes, as I allow you to revel in the position of a figurehead, just as long as you both remember to help me with the main objective.
Well, back to business now. Are all the exits sealed?"
"YES, THEY ARE SIR!!"
"Very good." The leader cracked an evil smile. "You, your brother, and myself are the only people with authority to allow people entry or exit. Is that understood?"
Scott nodded with a grin.
"Now, has anyone managed to escape?"
"Just one person, sir. The main office head secretary. Robbie Truman reports he was too... occupied to prevent her escape."
"Oh, well tell him not to let that happen again. I don't suppose we'll need that one secretary as a hostage though. We have two more, I think. Anyway, your service has proven itself invaluable to me." He turned his glances around a bit to the other operatives to indicate that he meant the entire group.
"Now... Angela.", he said with evil inflections. "You will take this handgun and infiltrate the staff room. I trust you'd know how to... acquire all their money. Then, I want you to go into the Student Council's office and empty out the treasury. After that, head for the main office and obtain the master key. Then, bring all that stuff to me. In fact, if you could hassle a few wealthy students along the way, that would be nice too."
"I don't think so, I-" She stopped when an operative pointed his AK-47 at her skull. The leader gave a pointing signal, and another solider moved in on her and attached a small, blinking device to the back of her neck.
"Umm...", the leader pondered. "Too obvious. Pull her hair down over it."
Her hair concealed the device rather well.
"You will do as I say.", he spoke to her.
of the Student's Council except for Angela and Will were locked up in Room
102B, the Art Room.
Under the watchful guns at the door and windows, Jer spoke to his subordinates.
"What is the meaning of all this? What is the Tantalon Separation Federation?"
All eyes were suddenly aimed upon Erin Dillon.
"Hey, I don't have anything to do with this!", she protested. "Most Tantalonites aren't like those people!"
For the present, Erin was off the hook.
Brian Haas stood up. "Look, I know what these people want. I can help get us out of here. If I may, on behalf of The Mod Squad Party, propose a bill?"
"Go ahead.", said Jer.
"The Mod Squad proposes a bill of conscience. We propose that the Student Council step down as a group and acknowledge Scott Gibb as President with absolute authority, effective immediately."
Jer addressed the body of the council. "All in favor of Bill C-005 say 'aye'."
"All opposed to Bill C-005 say 'nay'."
"So that settles it. Kendra Bernard, as ex-secretary interim, please record that in our final minutes."
Brian Haas turned to face the doorway gunman. "Hey! You there with the RPC-90! Can you let us talk to Scott Gibb?"
incredible style considering the circumstances, Scott marched triumphantly
into the Student Council's office while his fellow operatives shouted many
a long hurrah.
A few students that were too afraid to move for the last twenty minutes or so saw the brief ceremony.
"As of now, nine forty-three am, I assume control of the CPA Student's Council. As of now, the previous council has been declared null and void."
Silence from the masses of scared students.
"I am now your leader!!"
"No more classes!!"
"We're gonna find Will Matheson and kill him!"
Mixed cheering, silence, and sobbing.
"Now rise, and join me!"
Shawn, still there in the hall, took the opportunity to sneak away. A reporter doesn't become part of the news, he merely reports it. As he approached Ms. Larsen's English room, where he kept all his Pickle Jar stuff, he was stopped by a TSF operative with a twelve gauge shaking his head 'no'.
To hell with journalism, this has got to stop. First things first, I need a way out of here. Hmm...
overhead sign said 'L&D&D Locksmithing'.
"Excuse me?", shouted Ms. Beazley. "I need this opened."
Three men in coveralls stepped towards her in unison.
"Hi, I'm Larry, this is my brother Darrel, and this is my other brother Darrel."
"Aieee!", she screamed as she ran away.
had walked all the way from Ms. Larsen's door to the Drama room (that was
a story in itself), where he thought he could get out amongst the confusion
at the Pit.
Only two operatives guarded this door. They paced back and forth together, not opposing each other like they should have been doing. This way, Shawn could not be seen for upwards of five seconds at a time by either operative. Shawn lay low behind a garbage can and listened to them talking.
"I don't like the looks of this, Patrick. What that bloody leader has planned for this school, I'm suspicious of. I think he might try random executions sometime, with us doing the executing."
"Careful there, Bradley. He'll roast us for sure if he catches us talkin' behind his back while we're on duty."
"Ya got that right."
"I don't think the executions will take place just yet though. He needs to gain popularity among the students now before he does things like that to keep everyone in line. The only person I can think of who needs to worry about his neck is that Will Matheson kid. He's not too well liked, ya know, and so I think our leader will take advantage of that and kill him for brownie points."
"Ya, I don't like him either. I hope they kill him slowly."
"I dunno. In fact, I sometimes wonder if we have him or not. If we see him, we should incarcerate him right away. We should probably protect him from the Gibbs until his scheduled execution."
"Yeah, the Gibbs would kill him on sight. We can't have that."
Shawn suddenly got an idea. Especially since Devon Day happened to be crouching next to him. "Can you help me? I need you to act like Will is harassing you."
"Oh, sure! Sounds like fun!", she answered.
Shawn crept closer to the exit. Then Devon shouted, "Ya, whatever! Will, you're so crazy it's not even funny. If you say that once more, I'll- Eeee! Guards!"
"Damn. I coulda sworn that was Will. False alarm, Bradley."
By then, Shawn was well on his way to his car.
"I'll take this troublemaker up to the confinement room. You stay here and watch the door."
Truman handed the microphone over to Mr. Whitman, still making sure the
barrel of his gun was steadily aimed at the principal's forehead.
Mr. Whitman picked up the notepad given to him and began to read aloud.
"Um... good morning CPA. Please stand for the playing of our nat- TSF anthem."
here are your announcements for this Scottday, - by the way we switched
the dating system around, this is Scottday, Gibbius 1st. Next year, this
will be a holiday, and you'll get an hour off your slave labour. I can
hardly wait. Yay. The TSF rules the campus. Yipee.
We have a new hostage today, Ms. Francene cosman, local MLA for the capitalists; and we have got two people on Death Row awaiting judgment... Devon Day and Will Matheson. Today we have a special promotion. During the 'get to know your groups' Shock Trooper' assembly today in the gym, we will choose, by your applause, which one to execute, and which one to set free. Tomorrow we will capture two people and do the same thing, until the outside world acknowledges us properly.
A few words about the anthem, and the slave labour... it's really just meant to scare you into submission as hostages. The TSF just wants their own nation, it's a federal thing. You guys are all just bargaining tools.
That's all the announcements for today, have a good 'one'."
drove down to Sunnyside Mall, and walked into the local police department.
"Help! My school has been overrun by armed thugs!"
"Okay, kid. Calm down. Now, who are you?"
"I'm Shawn Ahmed, look CPA is in-"
"How old are you?"
"17. Look, CPA needs hel-"
"What school do you go to?"
was brushing up on the finer points of molecular biology when there came
a knock at the door.
"Come in!", shouted Mr. Burke.
Angela Ritcey entered the room.
"There you are!", Mr. Burke exclaimed. "I was wondering where you were!"
"I... was... very... busy....", she replied.
"Have a seat!", Mr. Burke beckoned her over to a few desks nearby where he was sitting. "You missed Jen's discussion on nuclear fusion!"
"I... do... not... care... at... this... time.... Please... gather... up... your... class... and... follow... me... or... I... will... kill... all... of... you...."
"Why?!", asked practically the entire classroom.
"The... TSF... has... taken... over... the... school.... You... are... all... being... herded... into... the... gymnasium...."
"What is the TSF?", asked Mr. Burke.
"The... Tantalon... Separation... Federation..., we... have... taken... over... the... school..., we... rule... over... you... totally...."
"Does this have anything to do with the power being out?", asked Mr. Burke.
Angela pulled out her gun.
"Never mind!", he shouted.
Mr. Burke got up and got his class and himself following Angela out of the room towards the gym.
"Something's wrong.", commented Kristen to Christine Patterson along the way. "Angela doesn't usually participate in the doings of violent minority interest groups."
"I know. She used to be so... well... so non-violent.", replied Christine.
"Yeah... wow!", Kristen gasped as they were led into the gym. "Look at all the people!"
The gym was filled to the gunwales with students. But to Kristen there seemed to be something odd about the way they were grouped...
Suddenly she and the others were stopped by a TSF operative. "Student number."
"Um... I don't know... I think it's 962-"
"OK. You go over there, follow the red line. You.", he stated, looking at Christine. "What's your student number?"
"OK, go over there with the rest of the Fall River vermin."
"Hey!! I-", she was shoved into her native grouping at that point. "Kristen!", she shouted, but to no avail.
and Devon were the only ones left in the Student Support Room, besides
a single guard. To ensure captivity, they were both hanging from the ceiling
in eagle cages.
"I wonder what they'll do with us. I suppose they'll kill me. Oh, well. I guess I had it coming to me."
The guard checked his watch. "It's time.", he said grimily. "Time for judgment."
He stood aside while the door opened and two more TSF operatives strode in each pushing a large cart. Will's cage (and thusly Will), was placed on one cart, and Devon's on another.
carts were wheeled onto the stage somehow. Will and Devon both gasped at
the size of the crowd.
The TSF leader approached the podium. "Greetings!", he said. "Today is Day One of the TSF rule over CPA, which may be temporary if Canada and Nova Scotia give us our own country of Tantalonia. Meanwhile, we will carry on a tradition of executing one person each day. You will notice that there are two people here. A...", he opened up an envelope. "Devon Day, Student Number 962 yazza yazza yazza; anyhow, I would like the students from Bedford to applaud for her survival as opposed to this other person's."
Almost half of the students cheered and shouted at that. Evidentially they liked Devon.
"Well, that will be tough to beat. Our other candidate is... a Will Matheson-"
The crowd gasped, some in alarm, some in anticipating joy.
"... Student Number 96... 4? 086... hmm... looks like he has no one to applaud for him. What school did you disgrace before coming here, vermin?"
Will grunted, "Sandy Lake Academy" with much fear in his voice.
"Ha-ha! That little school?! Ha-ha! I would now (heh-heh) like the students from Sandy Lake Academy to applaud for his survival."
"Anyone from SLA here?", Will shouted nervously.
"Looks like you lose." The TSF leader turned to an operative. "Release her, and take him back to the Support Room." He turned to another operative. "Prepare the gym for an execution."
was running out. Will had just minutes remaining before he was taken to
the gym and summarily executed in front of his schoolmates. He knew that
most people would cheer, but he also knew that, by golly, there must be
at least one person in all of CPA who would be sad to see him go, and thusly
it made him sad that he never took the time in the last two years to even
meet that person.
Suddenly, he heard the door slam. The guard left! Then his heart sunk again because a new one entered. Well, how about that. A female. It's worth a shot.
Will gazed longingly up at the new guard. She suddenly took pity on him and walked towards his cage. "So they're going to kill you, huh? Well, we need to establish Tantalonia, and we need to tell those damn bureaucrats that we're serious about this. As you die, remember that your death is paving the way for a brand new country. We may even name a street after you."
The guard spun around again and headed for the door, but not before she gave Will an obvious chance to swipe the key from her back pocket and unlock the cage door.
Will climbed out and headed for the less used door to his left. Before he could leave, the guard stopped him and said, "You can't just leave."
"Oh, yeah. Gotta finish the scene." Will kissed the guard on the cheek. "Believe it or not, but that was actually my first kiss."
"I believe it. It was a lousy kiss." She kissed him back. "Besides, you're the biggest loser I ever saw, I just took pity on you. Get out of here before I kill you and save my leader the job."
Will ran out as fast as his fat legs could carry him. Get the key, kiss the girl. Backwards, but still successful.
am sorry to disappoint you, fellow students, but Will Matheson has escaped
from our custody. We will now execute Devon Day."
From within the Bedford crowd, she shrieked "NO!!", but a TSF operative quickly grabbed her and took her up to the Support Room.
"Prepare the stage for the execution of a tall female."
If you actually read this far, then you can stop for now. A target up at the top of the page can return you here later.
Thus Part Two begins with many plot implications for the characters involved. Did Will write himself into a corner? We shall see. We return first to the tidings of Ms. Beazley in the east.
IMPORTANT: I do not recommend reading this section if you are in a hurry,
because it is low on humor compared to part one. Plus, Part Two is over
twice as long as Part One.
can't anyone open this thing?", Ms. Beazley asked herself aloud. And
why am I talking to myself?
The strong box seemed to weigh heavier on her with each passing step.
Nothing doing now but heading back to the school.
So she turned herself westward once again, and headed back towards CPA. But she did not get far (another half-hour's walk) before she saw a hunch-backed figure approaching her.
"Hello?", she shouted.
"Hi Ms. Beazley. It's me, Will.", the figure replied. He walked towards Ms. Beazley.
"Do you know how to open this thing, Will?", Ms. Beazley asked.
"I'm afraid not. But I'll try." Will took the strong box in his hands and started to rattle the lock, but to no avail. "What is this for?"
"It contains the CPA Emergency Protocol."
"Wow! We need that!", Will started to force the box open, but he cut his fingers. "Crap! Piece of crap!" In frustration, he hurled the box at a nearby tree.
It sprang open. Both Will and Ms. Beazley hurried over to check its contents. But all that could be found inside was a small slip of paper:
1. STUDENT CONDUCT: Open up temporary detention
centers in non-useful rooms. (Rooms 102 A&B, 103, 302, 303 A&B,
2. MARTIAL LAW: Replace all student council members with appointed teachers to fill in the positions.
3. UNIMPORTANT POSITIONS: Replace secretaries and guidance councilors with robots.
4. If all these measures fail to relieve situation, it may be necessary to threaten destruction of the premises.
Will and Ms. Beazley were both shocked at what they were expected to do. "Tell you what. Let's keep this under wraps, okay?" Ms. Beazley quickly nodded her head in agreement. "If someone else were to find this, it could spark a revolution.", Will added.
TSF leader led a few of his top aides into the FAV room, where a video
link to TSF headquarters in Tantalon had been set up along with a car battery
for electrical power.
They all took seats around a table. "Well, engage the link, Mr. Gibb.", said the leader.
"How the hell should I know how to work this thing?", Jamie replied.
"Hmm... who in CPA really took FAV?", the leader wondered. "Make an announcement to the school populace. Ask for someone with switchboard experience."
Ten minutes later, Jamie came back with Hal Wells, who executed a wonderful duck below the doorframe to enter the room.
"You have experience with this sophisticated equipment?", the leader asked Hal.
"Well, I did the lights for 'High School: It's A Concept'..."
"That will have to do. Take a seat over there, please."
Hal sat down at a sophisticated set of video controls. "Okay... I got the camera running. Audio is running. Um... hey, what's this?" He examined a Post-It™ note on the frequency keypad.
Frequently used Frequencies:
104.30 MHz - Cool Music
100.10 MHz - Mediocre Music
780 kHz - Crappy Music
920 kHz - "Dreamland" and "Coast to Coast" with Art Bell late at night sometimes.
67809.987 vHz - George Philias Vanier Junior High
84364.969 vHz - Bedford Junior High
81066.666 vHz - Tantalon Junior High
34672.666 vHz - Sackville High NOTE: "Snappy Comebacks" book kept in upper left drawer!!
96996.969 vHz - Will Matheson's Lab NOTE: Does *NOT* like being hailed after 11pm!
secretly pocketed the note, thinking it might be important later. In the
meantime, he keyed in 81066.666 VIDEO.
A remote-networking menu appeared on the projection screen.
Welcome to Tantalon Junior High's top-secret remote-networking menu! For the record, there is no truth to the rumors of a Tantalon Separation Federation! Have a nice day!
Hal sat flabbergasted. This was by far the coolest thing he'd ever done in FAV!
Enter your login name:_
"Hal, since we'll probably either kill you or change the password, my login name is 'Wilbur1' as a slur.", said the leader to Hal.
Enter your login name:Wilbur1
Enter your password:_
"The password is 'oivaizmir'."
Enter your password:oivaizmir
You have been successfully logged in at 13:35:45 on Scottday, 01/01/0001. (TSF reckoning - TSF Standard Time)
1. Hailing protocol.
2. Remote file access.
3. Contact Sysop.
Hal assumed that this was supposed to be a conference, and thus typed '1'.
HAILING PROTOCOL FOR REMOTE NETWORKING
Current (default) directory: TJH1
For directory listing, type 0, to change directories, enter the directory name, otherwise, enter a station number to hail. To display this message again, type HELP.
leader turned to Jamie. "What's the number for the conference room back
at the Junior High?"
"Umm... I think it's TJH3, station 5."
"You heard him, Hal."
Current directory: TJH3
5 you said?"
Waiting for other end to accept...
networking screen suddenly vanished and was replaced by the looming face
of a TSF operative.
The TSF leader sat up in his seat. "Ah! Operative Smith! How are my counterparts back in Tantalon?"
"Not terribly well.", the woman on the screen replied. "Our Mafia investors are starting to grab for their cut prematurely. They say they may shut down our supply network if we don't do something soon in the realm of cash."
"But there's no way we can allow anyone a cut of anything until the TSF becomes a nation!"
"They know that, sir. But we seem to have taken too long to put our plans into motion."
"They are in full motion now. We just had a few problems with our... inside help. She was a tough nut to crack."
"What do you mean?"
"CPA is now ours."
"That is important news. It may indeed tide our 'investors' over for a few days. I think you should speak together now." She stepped aside.
Someone just like 'Fat Tony' from 'The Simpsons' appeared on the monitor.
"How are things... Mark?", he asked.
"Please don't use my name in public, sir."
"Fine, then. Now, I heard you have news of our hostages."
"Yes! I have almost fourteen hundred hostages!"
"Excellent... but are you meeting any resistance?"
"Are you sure? No rebellions?"
"None to speak of, no."
"Not enough to gain the sympathy of the Student's Council?"
"The Student's Council is no longer of any concern to us. I have just received word that Scott Gibb has dissolved the council permanently. The last remnants of the Old Ways have been swept away."
"That's impossible! How will you gain control without the bureaucracy?"
"Our local shock troopers now have direct control over their students." The leader paused for a moment, looking all present in the eyes. "Fear will keep the local students in line. Fear of this militant movement."
"And what of those escaped students? If they managed to obtain a complete layout of that school, it is possible, however unlikely, that they might find a weakness... and exploit it."
Scott Gibb chose that moment to stroll into the FAV chamber. "The plans you refer to will soon be back in our hands."
The leader turned to face him, annoyed at the interruption. "That is insignificant. We can hold our ground here without worrying about plans or escaped students. Our militant force is now the ultimate power in the province. I suggest we use it.
Scott coolly replied, "Don't be too proud of this oppressive terror-inspiring movement you've constructed. The ability to overrun a school is insignificant next to the power of the short people."
The leader was even more irked at that insubordinate comment. "Don't try to frighten us with your short person's ways, President Scott. Your sad devotion to that stupid religion has not helped you conjure up the escaped hostages, or given you clairvoyance enough to find the Student Council's hidden hideout- ugh!" Scott kicked him in the area most males wince when they see it get kicked on TV.
The Mafia leader piped up. "This bickering is pointless. Scott will work on the mystery of the escaped students, and you will keep CPA under your order. We will then crush all our opponents with one swift stroke!"
All the TSF operatives and the 'leader' left the room. Hal sat, forgotten, at the switchboard. Hal pressed POWER and sat back in the darkness. Who were those escaped students? What was happening to CPA? Thank goodness they forgot to kill me after listening to all that!
just got back from a video conference with the TSF inner circle. Those
punks still think they're in charge of things."
"We'll worry about those idiots later. In the meantime, take a look at this."
"What is it?"
"I'm not entirely sure. But I think you can mess with people's minds by using it properly. I haven't had a great deal of luck with the thing. It only seems to work on people within the CPA building. I think it has to do with their faulty electrical system. Anyway, I managed to mess with one Jen Holdway, I made her become paranoid of all the teachers."
"Maybe we can modify it... I wonder what this switch does?"
"Ach! Be careful with that thing!"
Beazley and Will finally made it back to the school driveway. They were
suprised to see Shawn and all the police cruisers littered about the campus.
"Hey! Shawn! How'd you escape?", Will yelled.
"Long story. Now we need a way in."
Will and the secretary walked up to a police cruiser where several top officers were hunched over a large blueprint of CPA placed over the hood.
"Hey! I see it!", a lieutenant yelled.
"What do you see?", asked the chief.
"Remember that thing they had on the news this June about the defective roof joists? Well, I know this sounds crazy, but after staring at this thing with you guys for the last hour, I see the whole problem! Boy, it's a wonder that the bloody building is still standing!"
"How wonderfully unsettling.", commented Will. "You guys got any ideas?"
"Who are you to comment?", asked the chief.
"Will Matheson, Grade 12 Representative, Charles Pillsbury Allen High School."
"Oh. Well, just stand back and keep your mouth shut."
The chief addressed his men. "Okay, people, we have a hostage situation here. If we run in there, guns blazing, it's gonna be a bloodbath. We need to send in a small group, maybe even just one person. Who here knows this school from the inside out?"
The chief looked over his men, yet they just looked back at him, shaking their heads 'no'.
"So much for my own men... okay, it seems only you three know the place.", he indicated Shawn, Will and Ms. Beazley. "We need someone who can get along well with others, can cope well with adversity, someone who knows where everything is in the school, the kid who found the gym without being told where it was, the kid who never ever freaked out, the kid that all the other students and teachers in the school looked up to, and they said 'that is CPA'."
"I'll go.", volunteered Will. "But I think I should tell you I scored a 'nay' on each of those points. I really couldn't find the gym without asking until Grade 11."
After much deliberation, the cops decided to let Will carry out the mission. The chief handed him a sheet of paper with the objectives written on it:
Mission: Cheetah (objectives listed in
order of importance)
1. To rescue Francene Cosman and bring her back to the outside at once. This shall take priority over any other objective.
2. To shut down the execution facilities of the TSF, and, if necessary, rescue the occupants of "Death Row".
3. To rescue Ray Whitman from the TSF operative assigned to him, and bring him back to the outside if he so wishes.
4. To re-instate the legitimate Student's Council at CPA, and to that end, possibly temporarily assume leadership of it until said crisis is over with.
5. To rid the premises of the TSF and all its operatives by whatever means necessary.
6. To return all hostages to their classes by 1530h on Friday ("Funday") to avoid nasty parental lawsuits.
7. To make certain Sackville High never hears of this incident.
8. To, if captured, make sure captives do not read this mission primer.
"Yay! I get to be President for a day!"
the initial euphoria, Will was equipped with a laser stun rifle and sent
into the school via a hole some officers dug into the library.
Will, now inside CPA proper, stood up and covered evidence of his entrance with a crate of BOOKS OVERDUE listings. He knew the TSF librarians wouldn't be fishing any slips out of there for a long while, and thus his break-in could go unnoticed.
Objective 1: Rescue Ms. Cosman and bring her back out., Will remembered. So what's the quickest way to the staff room?
To his right was an unguarded door. Well, that's a break! He strode over and opened the door.
And he also sparked an impromptu fire drill. Will didn't realize it at the time, but the confusion was a great asset in that no one knew that it was that specific door that set off the alarm. He was too busy scampering up the Cafeteria stairwell.
Unfortunately, the second floor landing was indeed guarded. Two operatives paced back and forth opposing each other for maximum visibility. Will was lucky he wasn't seen.
Will was greatly helped by a small group of students that had left the gym running by. The guards gave chase. Will made a break for the hallway and ran right into the first open door he saw, Room 217.
Whoops. His GEO431 class was in progress. Sort of. No one was there, save Mr. Hamilton.
"Welcome to the drop-in center!", said Mr. Hamilton. "You wouldn't happen to know where everyone is, would you?"
"No, you wouldn't know, would you? Shoulda known.", he said jokingly.
"You know, the fire alarm's going. Plus, just about every student is being held hostage in the gym as we speak."
"There's always something.", Mr. Hamilton said with resignation. "So what's up with you?"
"Oh, well for now I'm trying to rescue our MLA."
"Hmmph. Mr. Plato and I and every teacher in the building who's into political science warned Mr. Whitman that the TSF would try something like that."
"Actually, I think it was just coincidence. Bad coincidence. I honestly don't think the TSF care whether or not they have her as a bargaining tool."
"Hmm... well, I suppose you'd better get on with your mission. Given the current circumstances, I think I'll lock my classroom door."
"And I think I'll go out through that other classroom so I'll not be seen as emerging from this room."
Will opened up the doors that led to Room 216 and hiked through.
The teacher inside that classroom leapt up from his desk and glared at Will. "You again!! I'll teach you to sneak through here again!"
"Why would you want me to... yaa!" Will ran out as fast as his legs could carry him.
The hallway was empty, save a guard by Room 215 watching the door to Room 217. Will was not noticed. Will made a break towards the Staff Room.
The guard gave chase, but he stopped. Oh, I should forget him. I need to watch Room 217. Stupid me.
Will finally reached the Staff Room entrance. From the hall, it looked like a plain, ordinary Staff Room, filled with... wait a second! Where's Ms. Cosman, all the teachers, and the guards? Will was suddenly suspicious. He strode in.
Bzzt! A force field stopped him. What's this?
"Penetration by unauthorized personnel is prohibited.", said a voice sounding like that of the LCARS operating system in Star Trek™.
"Wow! How on earth do I get in here?", Will asked himself.
Will was shocked to get a response. "Please state your identity and rank."
"Will Matheson, Grade Twelve Representative, Acting President."
"You are not authorized to enter, and your rank is one below what is necessary to call a teacher from within to state your case. However, in Fire Alarm mode, you are allowed to type in a request for a teacher to read at his or her convenience."
To Will's astonishment, a simple console appeared before him, labeled 'ACCESS terminal'.
Hi! Welcome to the staff room! Please leave a message!
Will composed his words carefully:
Hi! Welcome to the staff room! Please leave a message!
Help! It's me, Will Matheson! I know I haven't exactly hit it off real well with some of you, but I really need to find Ms. Cosman!
As you may have guessed, I also have a lot of questions._
To Will's further astonishment, the computer spoke again. "A teacher has read your plea for entrance and... DECLINED. Please leave the entrance are-"
"Another teacher has read your plea for entrance and... ACCEPTED. Please wait for-"
"A teacher with seniority has read your plea for entrance and... DECLINED. Please-"
"Another teacher with seniority has read your plea for entrance and... ACCEPTED. Pl-"
"Please wait. The teachers are currently voting on whether or not your plea for entrance will be accepted."
"Congratulations! Your plea has been accepted at face value! Please wait for enveloping procedure."
The fire alarm finally escaped Will's ears. You know that sound you hear all the time in 'Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home' whenever a ship decloaks? Well, that's the sound Will heard all around him while the Staff Room itself and the console he was using earlier dissolved from view.
And a whole new Staff Room appeared before him, filled with teachers.
But that wasn't all! No, this was the Staff Room teacher's dreams were made of! There were computer consoles everywhere, photocopiers galore, leather upholstery, cappuccino machines, you name it! Will couldn't believe his eyes. He was also sure that no student had been in here before because he also noticed a 75¢ pop machine.
Mr. Law called to him from a LA-Z-BOY™. "Good to see you Will! How are things on the outside?"
"Terrible!", he replied. "What is this place?"
"The Staff Room, of course!"
"Why doesn't it look like this from the hallway?"
"Oh, that's just an interactive holographic simulation. The way it works is, when a teacher walks in here, such as, say, Mr. Rhymes, the simulation inserts its Mr. Rhymes program. When someone calls from the outside, Mr. Rhymes normally would get up and replace the hologram to talk to the person, or he might let the hologram do the task if the person outside didn't require him to go more than three feet from the doorway. Remember when you asked Mr. Hamilton last week about something to do with the computers?"
"Yeah. You mean I was talking to a hologram?"
"You were indeed. The holoprograms are linked into the teacher's logs and personality templates, and so his representation was able to tell you when such and such problem would be fixed. Plus, his holoprogram filled him in on what he said as he was leaving again. It's really a great system."
"I guess so. Maybe they'll get rid of all the teachers and replace them with holoprograms."
The room fell silent, and all the teachers glared at Will.
Mr. Law tried to draw attention away from Will's comment. "Let's change the subject. Now, as I recall, you were here looking for Ms. Cosman. She is not here."
"Then where did the TSF take her?"
"Wow, how long have you been in here?"
"I'm not authorized to answer that question, but do you refer to those soldiers that looked in here around ten after nine?"
"What is the TSF?"
"They're the Tantalon Separation Federation."
"That sounds serious. I'm from the area, and I sure don't want to separate."
"I have a few more questions. Why aren't there any teachers in the simulation?"
"That sounds odd, they are supposed to be added automatically as we enter. I think I'll get someone to check that out for you... Mr. Hamilton?"
"Don't bother. I overheard from some TSF operatives he was seriously injured this morning and airlifted to a TSF medical facility in Tantalon. Like I said, things are terrible."
"Don't bother with her either. She was also injured in the same incident and was also airlifted to TSF headquarters."
"Sounds like things are out of hand. Well, I don't know anything about computers, so maybe you can show me what to do." Mr. Law pressed a button on his armrest, and a tiny display and keypad popped out of the chair.
Welcome to the CPA Network, Mr. Law. You are currently running in Super Simple Mode.
ALERT: 100% of outside network resources are unavailable. The server is currently inaccessible.
does that mean, Will?"
ALERT: Fire alarm is currently sounding in all zones. To disable it, press your pound key now.
"It's this one, sir."
Fire alarm disabled.
ALERT: Electricity is out in 75% of the building. To restore breaker switches, press your pound key now.
Electricity is now supplied to 97% of the building.
ALERT: Secondary Command Processors are inoperative.
does that mean?"
"I'm not sure, it might have something to do with the vocal user interface OS..."
"You just lost me, Will."
ADVISORY: There are 17,538 more alerts to process. Press the 'MENU' key to go to the Main Menu, to continue with alerts, press your pound key now.
*** Main Menu - Super Simple Mode ***
1: Skipper Sleuth
2: Grade and Schedule Editor
3: F-antastic and D-elightful Transcript Editor
4: Disciplinary Files Editor
7: Switch to Simple Mode
8: Switch to Intermediate Mode
9: Switch to Wannabe Mode
0: Switch to Advanced Mode
can 'Skipper Sleuth' do?", Will asked.
"I've never actually used this thing before, so I'm not really the one to ask."
*** Skipper Sleuth ***
1: Hunt down a specific student
2: Unexcused absence generator
3: Anomalous object detector
4: Excuse generator
5: Main Menu
enter me and see what it says!"
"Okay, I guess we can do that..."
*** Skipper Sleuth: Search and Destroy ***
Enter Student Number:_
"You know, you probably shouldn't be so quick to give that thing out in here- forget I said that."
Enter Student Number:964086
Searching... student found.
Location: Staff Room
Where supposed to be: Room 217
Chose an action to take:
1: -2 points
2: -6 points
6: Ignore Incident
Huh? You chose to ignore a serious breach of conduct! Do you consider this student to be excused:y
*** Skipper Sleuth ***
1: Hunt down a specific student
2: Unexcused absence generator
3: Anomalous object detector
4: Excuse generator
5: Main Menu
*** Skipper Sleuth: Let them go free ***
Enter student number to excuse:964086
Grant Will Matheson excuse privileges:y
ALERT: Will Matheson is a known violator of many school rules and has a disciplinary file the size of PEI. I hope you know what you're doing. - RW
"I can honestly say they really got you blacklisted in here."
"Yeah. Well, enough with this, we should find Ms. Cosman."
*** Skipper Sleuth ***
1: Hunt down a specific student
2: Unexcused absence generator
3: Anomalous object detector
4: Excuse generator
5: Main Menu
*** Object detector: Fry the intruders ***
17 object(s) found.
36 armed operatives of the TSF, names unknown - moving about school
1 Liberal MLA - Room 219B
They put her next door!"
"Well, I guess that's all I can do for you. I think you'd better leave now, the other teachers are starting to get suspicious."
"I will. And thanks for helping me find Ms. Cosman!"
was crouched behind a garbage can, outside Room 219B, pondering on how
to get past 'Killer'.
The behemoth paced back and forth in front of the door brandishing a power weapon of a type Will could not recognize. How will I ever get past that thing?
Will suddenly had an inspired idea. He found a red scarf laying on the ground, so he picked it up, stood up himself, and taunted, "Look Killer! Nice... bright... red!"
"Sno-ort! Re-d! Now you die!"
Will ducked out of the way just in time for 'Killer' to charge head first into some unfortunate student's locker, all of his or her books seemed to be destroyed along with 'Killer'.
Will tried to wipe away the gruesome scene from his memory, and he strode confidently into Room 219B.
There he found Ms. Cosman, unhurt, seated in the teacher's desk.
"Ma'am, we have to get you back to Province House."
If you actually read this far, then you can stop now. Just look
for "The CPA Revolution - 2nd Phase" in my essay list back on the main
page, or just below.
Goto Main Page.
Goto Previous Essay: "The Inaugural Meeting".
Goto Next Essay: "The CPA Revolution - 2nd Phase".